Verbal Breakdowns

It's been a while since posting, mainly due to my preoccupation with work and school commitments. Lately our verbal communication has broken down worse than ever. It's both of our faults: it starts when I leave MAM a VM asking her to call me to talk about a scheduling issue with the kids. This time it's about summer scheduling, day camp, and weekend holiday arrangements. I hate actually talking with her but have to because she won't respond to emails appropriately and I can't stand making the kids pay for her actions. But the phone calls rapidly turn nasty. MAM is incredibly hostile and nasty and I end up getting frustrated and calling her appropriate epithets. What solutions are there to force a MAM into communicating by email only? I may have to resort to sole communication through our lawyers but of course that costs a lot. I can also do it through a parental coordinator who will relay messages. Both of those are slow methods. I met a guy at a party last night who was regaling me with his divorce horror stories and his own personal MAM. When he had the same problem he called Child Protective Services (in New Jersey) and that forced his MAM to read his emails about their kids' issues. New Jersey seems to be a tough state for divorce. Another recent meeting with a guy going through same in NJ was similar - long periods of alimony and years of misery before a settlement. I'm waiting for my own settlement here in PA. Hopefully it will be done soon so I can move on.

Weekend respite with kids

It's Saturday morning, and nothing better than a weekend with the kids. One is on the computer catching up with friends and relatives on Facebook. MAM has banned all Facebook usage in her home - she says it's an invasion of people's privacy!

While we're on the subject of lunacy, the kids are also banned from having their cell phones turned on at her house. What that essentially means is that I can't communicate with them freely. If I try to call the house, either I get voicemail, in which case the kids never get the message that I called, or one of the boys manages to answer the phone, but when MAM finds out who he's talking to, she screams at him to get off the phone.

BTW, speaking of parental abuse, I just saw that there's a conference on parental alienation in March in Toronto. It seems Canadian judges are starting to act boldly and take kids away from alientators.

So, getting back to the weekend, lots of cool stuff planned: mainly studying for tests for this week. Kids are unable to get help at MAM's house because she can't understand 6th grade math or science. Besides studying, lots of sports planned, stuff that's usually banned on MAM's weekends, when the kids spend the entire time playing video games. Hopefully also time with my sister and her family. In my previous married life, that stuff was also discouraged, and the boys never really got to know their 1st cousins who live only about 75 min away from us.

On my weekends, MAM never calls the kids or comes to their sports activities. What kind of mother would do that to their kids? Is there any help for them?

Miserable Abandomed Mom unable to communicate with email!

MAM refuses read and understand emails. For example, when I have a number of dates for her to know about, or flight arrangements for vacations for me and the kids, she is unable to process it by email. Or at least she says, because the kids tell me she has her own personal email open all the time so she can monitor her match.com results. God-willing she'll get a boyfriend! Anyway, instead, she insists that I communicate all that minutiae information by telephone. Hearing her voice is the last thing I want to do. She just uses the opportunity to be abusive. You'd think two years after leaving her she could somehow start to put the anger aside, but I guess when you have had a free ride for all these years (no job, nice house and car) that it's difficult to do. One therapist told me that abandoned wives can sometimes take 5 years to start to be nice! Aren't there any self-help groups for them?

Weekend activities

I have two pre-teen sons. Our custody arrangement is for every other weekend. After the separation, on my custodial weekends, I brought kids back to her house at 5 PM on Sunday. When I realized that this wasn't customary, and it cut into football-watching time, or other summer activities, I asked miserable abandoned mom (MAM) if I could bring the kids back later. She refused of course, and it took many months and finally the courts to enact it. On her custodial weekends MAM won't let the kids play basketball, their favorite sport. She claims that it's because she doesn't play and it would take time away from her, but it's really because she knows I love to play b-ball with the kids. She's happy to have them go over friends' houses and play video games all day, but no bball. Recently the kids told me that if they ask to play, she takes away their computer privileges. We had a talk about how pretty soon, as they get older, MAM won't be able to limit their activities any longer. They were asked by the middle school bball coach to be on the team, so that will also extend their playing time. What do you do when a MAM won't allow the kids to enjoy activities they love? Especially if it's healthy and keeps them off the streets?

Introduction and Blog Start!

Hi Everyone. This is 3D (Divorced Dedicated Dad) Ron. I'm creating this blog to connect with all the other dads out there who left their wives and in the process ended up with an abandoned ex that is so pathologically angry, that she can't find it within herself to act in the best interests of the kids. There have been multiple names for this "syndrome", like parental alienation, or most recently I saw "the hostile parent syndrome". Regardless of the label, the actions are universally the same: actions against the kids with the intention of alienating the dad. I'll try to post daily, or as often as possible with my own examples. For obvious reasons I'll stay anonymous. Hopefully we can come with solutions that allow our kids to grow up happy and without the burden of having to care for their wounded mom.